Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
