just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
