I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize