I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
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