im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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