Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
