Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
