there's paper in my vomit.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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