Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
