He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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