Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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