Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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