Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
