Having a random hookup so left but love u
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
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