i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
