i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
