I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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