I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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