Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
pray to the hookup gods
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
