hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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