Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize