if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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