The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
