ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
