One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My dick has a subreddit
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
