It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
