You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
