you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
