One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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