Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
birth control should be required to get into college
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
