Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
smell my finger.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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