I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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