I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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