So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
