i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
