Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
