Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
