I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
