Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
