the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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