Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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