His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Randomize
