Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
