we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
