omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
