The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize