but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
