? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
