Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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