I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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