i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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