i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
