party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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