Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
