how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
