they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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