I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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