im drinking this country out of the recession.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
only if we run a train.
done.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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