I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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