So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
