Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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