she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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