Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
