Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
