I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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