so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
