The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We're using joints as your birthday candles
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
