found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
