He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
