Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
