Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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