There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
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Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
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Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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