We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just pee around me
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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