Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Edward fifth and chaser hands
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
