Me too!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
