ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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