Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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