I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
