I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
