Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.

(773): View more from Illinois

"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.

(773): View more from Illinois

I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.

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(773): Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could. (773): "We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible. (773): I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive. http://tfl.nu/kn2s

Replies (21) Good night (770) Bad night (1495)
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(310): View more from California

Ambien. No doubt about it.

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(310) Ambien. No doubt about it. http://tfl.nu/jq44

Replies (3) Good night (909) Bad night (458)
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(540): View more from Virginia

just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south

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(540): just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south http://tfl.nu/fqw1

Replies (48) Good night (2696) Bad night (1752)
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(410): View more from Maryland

she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.

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(410): she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby. http://tfl.nu/u78i

Replies (55) Good night (809) Bad night (6594)
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(857): View more from Massachusetts

I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner

(617): View more from Massachusetts

you want to re-phrase that?

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(857): I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner (617): you want to re-phrase that? http://tfl.nu/lax1

Replies (11) Good night (3855) Bad night (920)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.

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(617): Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem. http://tfl.nu/80or

Replies (16) Good night (1087) Bad night (6084)
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(206): View more from Washington

How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?

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(206): How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it? http://tfl.nu/31c7

Replies (23) Good night (2936) Bad night (1730)
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(716): View more from New York

i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.

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(716): i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man. http://tfl.nu/v8cz

Replies (6) Good night (2058) Bad night (865)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!

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(+44): This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant! http://tfl.nu/ns2k

Replies (7) Good night (4398) Bad night (687)
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(310): View more from California

She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.

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(310): She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning. http://tfl.nu/tu4n

Replies (4) Good night (773) Bad night (1443)
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(435): View more from Utah

For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job

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(435): For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job http://tfl.nu/nykr

Replies (7) Good night (2153) Bad night (537)
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(606): View more from Kentucky

I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.

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(606): I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell. http://tfl.nu/zj5n

Replies (14) Good night (2496) Bad night (599)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.

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(864): Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype. http://tfl.nu/2egz

Replies (5) Good night (1594) Bad night (325)
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(619): View more from California

If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.

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(619): If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home. http://tfl.nu/v77a

Replies (3) Good night (398) Bad night (905)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.

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(+44): Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life. http://tfl.nu/3wcp

Replies (4) Good night (1096) Bad night (623)

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