the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
