My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish