**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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